I was born 4 years after him. When we were young, we used to argue over a lot of things as siblings normally do. Sometimes, we would even fight as to who would fetch water or who would wash the dishes. But as a younger brother, my parents would always spare me and he would have to do everything. At night, he would challenge me to solve all his ridiculous riddles which I tried hard to the best of my ability to answer. Of course, I was not as wise as he was during that time so I had to ask my parents for the answer. And then I would proudly shout at him the answer as if it was I who actually solved it. Before going to bed, (I slept together with my parents and he was in the next room) he would continue to throw more complicated riddles and would sometimes intersperse it with loud and most of the time stinky release of his carbon dioxide. And then we would all burst into laughter.
But right after my elementary graduation, I moved to Cebu to study high school. For three years, we didn’t have the chance to see each other. During my yearly vacation, he was in Manila studying. Cellphones were still out of nowhere so basically we didn’t have much communication. It was only on my 3rd year vacation that he was home but I never realized it would be also be the last time to see him live. Awkwardly, few hours before I finally head back to Cebu, he was crying, sobbing as if he never wanted me to go. He said he would feel nostalgic of me. It was actually the first time that I saw him cry for reason at that time I could not understand. My parents would not even cry every time they send me off after vacation. Truly, it was bizarre for me.
Now, I think it was premonition. He must have felt that he’s not gonna see me anymore. He must have wanted me to stay so that we could spend the last of his days together. But who was I to know all of these?
Over a year later, (I already graduated in high school and was already working) my sister called in an obviously sad voice to tell me to go home because Kuya was getting worse. I didn’t know if I felt worried or sad that time, but I immediately filed for leave and went home right away. On board, I knew that something was really wrong. When I arrived the following morning, I came across with my cousin on her way to the school, and that sad look upon her face told it all. I knew then that Kuya died.
It was the most depressing and heartbreaking moment in my life that when I got home, embraces and forlorn cries welcomed me. I immediately felt the loss and broke down to tears. It was even more miserable to see your loved ones crying hard too. Losing Kuya is probably the lowest point of my life and my family.
After a decade, I am happy that we have all moved on from that gloomy time in our lives. My parents, who went to Manila with my sister for a year after the death, have now totally accepted the loss. We continued living our own lives and from time to time visit Kuya’s grave during special occasions like his birthday and of course death anniversary. He may have gone but the happy memories he had shared with me will never be forsaken. I miss calling him Kuya. I really do. ( Gosh, I can’t believe I am actually holding back my tears from falling as I finish this post.)
On his anniversary, I pray that he is now happy up there! I hope he had found peace in heaven. I hope he would pray for me and my family and watch us over always.
And since he would have been 31 years old this September 14, I also want to say “Happy Birthday!” Never said this before when he was still alive, but I love you, Kuya and I miss you.
(Photo credits: www.armyofmom.com)
1 comment:
Now, i understand why sometimes you're too emotional. Its so sad to hear it, but at least you have overcome and accepted his loss. He will always be there for you Titz wherever you go. Teeeceee!
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